Mary Singing Woman – about f**king time
This adventure into the feminine landscape is from Mary Singing Woman and is part of the Pants of Empowerment project, where women share the voice of their feminine nature and in return, receive a fantastic pair of pants to empower them. Mary Singing Woman has cervical cancer and wanted to explore what her pelvic bowl had to contribute to her healing. All names have been changed.
Who would like to speak today? Which of these aspects of yourself need to communicate her wisdom?
It’s really hard to separate, I feel my womb, then I feel my fallopian tubes are coming around like a cloak… my ovaries… the whole of it wants to speak… yeah!
She wants to talk about body wisdom and about listening and about how the little nudges we get as women, from this part of the body, whether they’re pains or messages they’re all speaking to us, all of the time. The beauty of this space, the beauty of the ripeness and the fullness, the fertility, and how each month that creative urge that comes through our bodies. And she’s not talking about children, she’s talking about finding the space in our lives to allow the creativity to come through us.
And then there’s the death and rebirth. As we bleed we die. And are born again. And the message from our womb is to really deeply go into that and listen. Because it’s reflected in our lives and if I can hold that in my womb then I can hold that in my life. And with each challenge that comes, there’s an opportunity for a re-birth; something needs to die, something needs to fall away and we can be born again.
My cervix is a sacred portal, she opens to release the blood. She opens to release the potential that was not fertilised that month. And she may open to let in life, to let in sperm, but she may not choose to. She’s holding strong boundaries, holding a gateway. She makes decisions, what to let in and what to let out. Her invisibility in the world, in our bodies and our lives, is a sadness. There’s deep grief for that lack of connection with the cervix, the womb, the whole pelvic bowl.
The holding that sacredness of the place; when you talked about reverence I was immediately on my knees in my pelvic bowl, kissing it all. It’s such a sacred place and the cervix feels to me, for the journey I’m on, she’s the key. The most sacred part of the journey I’m on right now and I’m absolutely on my knees at her wisdom, and her holding and her boundary and she’s a sacred physical and energetic portal. She’s the key to pleasure and the key to pain. Yeah, my vagina feels like she’s the protective entrance, the tunnel, the opening: the vulva, the opening to that space. I want to bow down in front of all of it, in her awesomeness!
Can she hear that? Does she feel your reverence?
Yeah. She says, about fucking time! About fucking time! My womb has had so much of that reverence and my cervix and my vagina are just like, FINALLY!
We know that there’s this connection with the throat and the heart-womb connection, it’s all connected. I’ve been doing work to open my throat and opening to the truth of this, the truth of my cervix. She has this space and she has this mouth which at the moment are shrouded in dis-ease, and for me to transform that dis-ease I need to hold the boundary and yet being visible and speaking her truth. So she can open her mouth and sing. The songs of earth, the songs of creation, the songs of blood.
I feel emotional…. She wants to sing the songs of women, of healing and joy! So much love and joy and pleasure can come from this place. Songs of healing of circles of sisterhood and songs of sadness and grief. I haven’t miscarried or had an abortion but I can feel the sadness that women hold in that place. And the grief that comes with our blood when we haven’t conceived.
Just holding all these things with reverence and sacredness and ritual I feel a deep softening going on. An opening. Softening…
There’s a beautiful image of my pelvic bowl, held by the mother, in this beautiful space, that mother-love just pouring in for me.
I feel so full of gratitude for women like you who hold this space for women like me, who need it, because we all need it. I get this strong message: “You’re a healer, so heal yourself; walk your talk. Come on!”
It’s brought me to this place of surrender, a place where I need to receive. I’ve been giving and giving and giving. And there’s part of me that can still give because I know that women can learn from what I’m going through, but I have to receive more. I know that. One of the 1st realisations was when Amber told me to do Commit to Kindness.
We know that we have to feed ourselves with this. But how many of us actually make the space to do it?? And I’m on a journey where I have to do this every fucking day, because I have to. I have to!
And it’s an amazing process to weave in receiving and actually it’s something I’ve been saying to women for years, we’re like batteries if we go flat we’ll be useless. And I’ve been half full for years but as I fill up now, I’m so much better able to give from this place of feeling full. I have to NOT be on half empty I have to be full up, like the Duracell bunny.
Take a survey of your pelvic bowl now, what’s it like for your feminine landscape to have heard this?
It’s like the sparkliest temple, just glowing and so beautiful and so full of life and aliveness. When I entered earlier, it was like a tomb, an ancient stone circle but now she feels so alive. Full of flowers and lush green. There’s still ancient bones in there, but it’s like an ancient cave that’s been decorated by spring and summer!
Flowers, candles, a lush green floor that’s soft to lie on. There’s a tree in there. And it’s all covered with fairy dust and angel wings.
What does your cervix think of that?
She’s laughing! She’s getting it. It’s been a serious old story and it’s about time there was more laughter!
What does she need from you now?
Keep listening, connecting, the laughter sunshine the petals and the flowers. She says I need to keep myself in that positive place. It’s not in my nature to do that. It’s my nature to hide away in the autumn leaves but she’s pushing me out there, I have to share this, but not yet.
She’s saying she’s going to take me to some uncomfortable places, but it’s going to be OK because we’re a team, and we’ll get through this. I think I’ve been through the worst bit.
IS there anything else you need to do before we journey back to everyday reality.
I’m going to give her a hug and a kiss.
I’m so hugely grateful to her.
I feel like I’ve done an hour’s kundalini yoga or something, woohoo!