Ending Biodynamic Therapy
I have had my final session with my therapist. I am deeply grateful for the experience and also very sad, I am mourning the loss of this wonderful supporter as time goes by. It’s been 7 years since I first asked if she would see me on a massage-
In the beginning
I started during an intensely busy time; I had full responsibility for the children and the house, two small businesses, I ran a networking group and volunteered for a community group. I went to classes, meditated and exercised but everything worked to a schedule. It had to. There was no time for not knowing, for pottering or really for being vulnerable. That would have been way too time-consuming and inconvenient.
‘Just’ a massage?
In Biodynamic therapy massage, movement and talking is all part of the picture, but therapists do not always accept clients who want ‘just’ massage because it implies that they are not wanting to engage with their process, not wanting to change but want to be done to. I feel that I slipped around Michelle’s edges and somehow she agreed, though she later admitted that this was not how she usually worked, she felt it was OK.
Moving towards healing
We embarked on a monthly massage. I came in and shared how I was, though often I hadn’t really thought about it and struggled to get in touch with myself at all. I undressed and lay down. Still wanting ‘only’ massage, imperceptibly over the months, my body surrendered and opened. Far from disintegrating, the conscious touch allowed more connection to happen, and the subtle movement of energy moving towards healing, towards pleasure, emerged.
That ‘the body moves towards equilibrium’ has become a cliche but in the peak experiences that followed, of feeling my body create movement facilitating the deepest healing, brought it to an embodied level. On a personal level I can feel within me the force for healing move, just requiring quiet and tenderness and safety to emerge. On a spiritual level it is also embodied, this sense that the force for good is alive around us to support healing. It was clear that these experiences happened during the period that I was going to weekly therapy, which created a deeper holding and momentum.
I have re-calibrated. Whereas before my outer life was the Queen, now my outer and inner life can rule together. Michelle was the standard bearer, waving the flag for my inner life, my vulnerability and inner sweetness.
Why the ending now? The process naturally came to a close, but Michelle also closed her London practice, and while she still sees clients in Guilford, it’s too time-consuming for me to make a regular trip. The therapy has also covered my menopause process and supported this period of transformation, I wrote more about that here.
How to support myself now?
Now that I won’t be seeing her, who is going to wave the flag? I have taken the flag from her, and have the job of standing up for my inner life and defending that place of sweetness where the healing can flow. This requires spaciousness, a slow pace, holding an attitude of not knowing and of needing to know outcomes, time for nothing to happen.
To assist me in this flag-waving I have:
- An awesome Listening partnership
- Medicine Circles
- My Menopausal circle, the Fuck it Club
- My beautiful friends
- Three beautiful, ongoing peer groups
- My on-going self-care practices
I am holding an intention to hold space for the sweet vulnerability. This intention holding, when held lightly and with commitment, creates profound change. The simple practice of setting an intention in the morning and checking in before sleep to reflect on how things panned out is a beautiful way to make
It’s an extraordinary privilege to have been able to have this support in my life, I’ll be finding out what this means in the coming years.
If you are interested in Biodynamic therapy, you’re welcome to give me a ring and have a virtual cup of tea together so we can talk through your questions.